Poetry: Mischievous Child

Sometimes God is like a mischievous child.

O, don't look so shocked, you know it's
True!

What do I mean?

It's just like this:
Before setting out on a long voyage,
A sailor gave his beloved a letter
With instructions not to open It
Until his return.

Faithfully the lover waited
Keeping the letter close at all
Times.

Days passed,
Weeks passed,
Months,
A whole year passed without news from the sailor.

Exasperated the beloved opened the letter...
With such a playful passion and teasing devotion,
The words almost danced themselves off the page.

Just then the beloved heard the sailor
Laughing in the attic!
Descending stiffly,
Smiling broadly,
He asked,
"What took you so long to open that
Damn letter?"

Don't you think God asked Adam and Eve the same question
After He found that apple core?

Story: The Persistent Seeker

A merchant of great wealth one day found himself asking 'What is truth?' The question was small enough to start. Yet with each asking it grew until it consumed his thoughts. Finally overcome he decided to seek the answer no matter the cost.

The merchant first went to the university to ask his question, 'What is truth?' The smiling professors replied, 'Pay our fee and we will teach you about truth.' And so he began his studies.

Yet, after many years of hearing the professors expound on the meaning and relevance of truth and of the objective vs the subjective and of the absolute vs the relative the merchant was unsatisfied. He left them in disgust saying, 'These are all roundabout discussions of rhetoric. The teachers are content with their incomplete answers and in their vanity read and lecture with ambiguity. They use their learning as bludgeons.'

Again the merchant went out asking, 'What is truth?' He went to the temple. The priests looked at him with excitement and said, 'Welcome, our religion is truth. Tithe a portion of your wealth and we will teach you the laws of our god. Then you will know the truth.'

Filled with hope the merchant eagerly read the laws. Yet as he studied them he asked, 'What is the reason behind them? These laws are confusing and not clear at all. They require sacrifices which confine and limit the freedom of anyone who follows them. How are they truth?' No one could answer him.

As he was talking, he noticed a man he did not recognize who was sitting nearly naked in the courtyard. The merchant thought, 'Perhaps this man is wise and holy. Perhaps he has my answer.' So the merchant went up to him and asked, 'What is truth?' The man stared at him blankly and mumbled, 'I have nothing to wear, clothe me.' The merchant although disappointed retrieved his suitcase and gave it to the man.

Frustrated the merchant left the temple and entered the city. This time he prayed to chance and asked the first man he met, 'What is truth?' The man replied, 'I am hungry, feed me.' The merchant cursing his luck bought a loaf of bread for him.

Perhaps women have greater insight than men, the merchant thought. And age being wiser than youth he decided on an old woman shuffling down the street. So he approached her and asked, 'What is truth?' But she replied as if she did not hear him, 'I cannot afford my rent this month, help me.' And although he was dejected that he was making no progress, he spoke to her landlord and paid her rent.

There and then the merchant decided that the people in the city were too self-centered to have any answers. So he would seek his answer among the farmers and fieldhands of the countryside. But at the city gate the merchant met a man covered in bloody sores. The leper asked him before the merchant could speak, 'Help me.' The merchant took the leper to a doctor and left the last of his wealth to cover the leper's care. Now being out of money, the merchant left the city.

On the road he passed a farm, outside a beautiful young woman was outside crying. He stopped and asked her what was wrong. She answered through her tears, 'My husband died just before the harvest leaving me no money. And to make matters worse, even though the fields are ready to be brought in it is too much work for me to do alone.' The merchant replied with compassion, 'I have no money myself to hire workers for you. But if you feed me and give me a place to sleep, I will help you bring in the harvest.' And so he stayed with her for a time.

As the snows came he made up his mind to set out again, but she prevailed upon him to stay until the thaw. Yet at the thaw again she begged him not to leave. Smiling he looked at her and said, 'You have your harvest. You can now hire workers for the planting and harvest this year. You will do well. But I, I must find out what is truth. Once I do I will return to you.' Seeing his determination the widow with a heavy heart she let him go.

The penniless merchant now decided that the last place to look was in the empty places. Perhaps there is a lone sage high on a mountain or a pious monk in a valley who can answer my question.

Setting out the merchant traveled through forests and deserts. He met wanderers and bandits, hermits and hunters. Yet none of them were able to answer his question, 'What is truth?'

One day near dusk and on the verge of giving up, the merchant stumbled across a grove of oak trees. There he saw a man sitting under an oak as if in a trance. The entire grove was silent and at its center the man almost seemed to glow. Afraid to wake him, the merchant moved silently closer when the man suddenly opened his eyes. Taken aback at the penerating stare, the merchant fell to his knees and transfixed was face to face with the man under the oak tree.

It was then that the merchant recognized the face. It was the naked man in the temple courtyard. About to open his mouth he saw the face change again to the man who begged him for food. And then it was wrinkled smile of the poor old woman; now it was pain-creased brow of the bloody leper and finally to the beautiful clear eyes of the widow who was waiting for him. There he understood his question. In the oak grove where truth sat waiting.

Two years since... still not voting

I say without shame that I chose not to vote, again.

When I started this blog 2 years ago I said I was opting out of the political system to invest my energy into something greater. Today I am even more convinced of the fact that any work done by individuals in the community has more power than anything done by a politician in Washington, DC. (Yes, change occurs at the grassroots level, not from the top down.) Why devote any thought to the election of these politicians? Why choose between the lesser of two evils?

Why not plant a community garden instead, or provide housing for the homeless, or spend time with the sick and lonely? Why not speak out against racism, homophobia, bigotry and fear? Do we need an elected leader to show us how to do any of these things?

Across the country there are volunteer driven programs functioning for the improvement of the community, but there are not enough of them. Listen I know you can very well say: Why not vote and do these things?

I ask who has time or energy to work on a garden or spend time with the elderly or work on a housing initiative as well as work a full time job? There is no end to reading political theory, to listening to arguments from pundits and comedians. All that knowledge gathering might make you more informed but it won't help you or your neighbor live more abundantly. I tell you it is easier to form an opinion and vote than it is to build relationships with neighbors and strangers. It is easier to participate with the system (or rail against it) than it is to work for change.

I maintain the better thing is to let go of this idea of representative government. How can politicians in DC write laws which justly apply to the problems of Maine and Alaska, California and Texas, Florida and New York? How can justice be done by individuals who are removed from their home communities by wealth, power and geography?

Instead plant the gardens, enrich the local economy, feed the hungry, and the politicians will follow. Take away their legitimacy by not voting.

President Obama had the first part correct: We are the ones we have been waiting for... The question is why do we need them, the politicians? Why do we even vote for them?

We are the leaders, beyond just the President, more than just the Democratic party, greater than just the Republican party, more diverse than either the Tea Party or the Rally to Restore Sanity/Fear. We the people, all of us, are self-determining.

We have God given and unalienable rights which need no government recognition. So why do we recognize the government which oppresses us? Why do we vote in our oppressors? The government which drives us to war, which taxes us and protects the profits of the wealthy.

Ultimately, the government serves, not the people, but a culture which dehumanizes us. The culture is created by those who have something to gain from the divisions. The culture that calls us poor, minority, uneducated or illegal. Ain't we human regardless of our status as citizen or alien, male or female, rich or poor? It is the culture that limits us and the government that bows to that oppressive culture. Change the culture and the rest will follow.

This is why Jesus and St. Paul said to leave the government alone, obey their laws (as long as they don't prevent you from being compassionate to those in need), give them no reason to persecute you. They will find reason enough when you start to change the status quo. Again the government is only a distraction from the real need.

Look at your local communities and you will see that right now a greenhouse is being readied for the winter growing season. Right now volunteers are visiting the elderly in nursing homes. Right now lunches are being given away free of charge. Right now a homeless person is finding shelter from a stranger. Right now a good Samaritan is taking care of an injured neighbor. Right now the world is being changed; not in the seats of power but by people like us. This is all done by people who are more complex than just liberal, conservative or radical.

You and I are the agents of change. And who voted us into office?

PS Please comment, I post these for discussion sake. Thanks.

Reflecting Questions

Recently, I was challenged by a friend who asked, 'Curtis, what's next for you?' We talked at length about my journey and responsibility to the church. The question is important because as I journey it can be isolating. There's always a temptation of trying to go it alone, or getting stuck in my head, without the support and critique of a community. Perhaps he sees me as wandering lost in the desert going in circles. And it is a very real danger.

A year ago I was offered and accepted a position as an interim youth leader. (It was made clear that my position was a temporary one while the congregation discerned what they wanted in a youth program.) Over the course of the year I was constantly challenged to engage the youth, work with the parents and adult church members. Essentially, I began to learn what it meant to lead. More often than not it meant listening and responding to the needs of congregation. Leadership is about being willing to serve. I am ever so thankful for my time with the youth and all they taught me.

The contract I agreed to was for one year that could have been renewed for another year. The reasons to renew included my care for the members of the church, the connections I made with the youth, the security of having a paying job. The reasons not to renew included the need of the congregation for a full time youth pastor (which is not my calling) and the need of mine to embody a different social reality (most definitely my calling). I opted not to renew.

So what then is my responsibility to the church to which I no longer have a formal title? How do I engage the church from the margins, jobless and homeless? Why do I live this way? It's definitely not the money.

Occasionally, I have been criticized as having the luxury of opting out, since I don't have a family to support or other obligations. I reject that form of criticism because of the stories of saints and prophets and their families. I want to be like them:

Jesus, the Christ differentiated between his biological family, to whom he was born, and his true family, those who do the will of God. Many of his family did end up following him and were among the few of his followers present at his crucifixion.

Prince Siddartha, who became the Buddha, left his wife, Yasodhara, and child and his kingdom to seek enlightenment. When Siddartha left, Yashodhara vowed to live like her husband renouncing wealth and offers of re-marriage.

Saint Francis of Assisi left his family and their pursuit of wealth, in order to serve the poor. Eventually, his mother and sister also renounced their wealth and joined his simple order of monks. In fact it was Francis' mother who early on urged him to explore and deepen his spirituality. She even supported him when she was able.

From one point of view it was cruel to push away their families. From another point of view it is crueler to remain ignorant or callous of the suffering of others. The invitation to let go of fear and oppression is extended to everyone, including the biological family.

Those are my examples, the reason why I live as simply as possible. There is very little comfort in leaving, in asking for work, asking for food, asking for a place to sleep. The comfort comes from the relationships that develop: through the unexpected celebrations, musical outbursts, dance parties, bible studies, meals, etc. It is both tiring and exhilarating!

So if it seems I am wandering it because the path is crooked. If it seems I have no 5 year plan it is because the plan is hidden to me. If it seems I am footloose and free it is because I am free only as long as I serve others. My hands are empty, I am called to work. And the work is a joy and all the reward I need. I prefer being paid with blessings rather than with coins.

In the short term, I will be working at the Corpus Christi Catholic Worker House in Lancaster for awhile. I am also visiting local churches and asking 'what's next?' and 'how can I be of use?' There is also a small group of friends in Lancaster that discusses spirituality and the implications of those beliefs in our lives. We make waffles. It's a Waffle Church!

So that's all for this update.

May peace be with you and may we see each other soon!

Poetry: Brother Sister Moon Rain

Big brother always comes sideways,
Wanting to catch me off-guard:
'You are an accident.'
He taunts the 5, 7, 13 year old.

Always I respond with windmilling fists
Too small for his growing frame
He doesn't even defend himself
Laughing at each rapid blow.

Years later, little sister,
Looks at my suitcase:
'You are leaving.'
It is a statement, an accusation.

Turning toward the door
I never thought of it
The distance I was creating
For each of us.

The Man in the Moon smiles upon the desert
His light reveals my tatters:
'You are walking in circles.'
He whispers mocking my journey.

I curse the wind that
Swirls sand into my eyes
It continues westward
Oblivious to my shrinking frame.

The Rain God stroking my head
As I approach the great city:
'You are home.'
She welcomes the young and old.

Sitting in the infinite sea
Surrounded and contained
The endless void of possibility
Is this what's next?

Poetry: Expectation

some nights are still
so quiet
not even the hum of street lights
are heard
as if expecting the morning
and the day it holds

Poetry: I.L.L.

I.L.L.

I love Lucy
and you have some explaining to do,


I live long time
indeed Ill never die,


What is ill?
Its like light
hidden in plain sight.


Ill never change,
until the last L becomes U.


ILU, Elihu, Hallelu

Archbishop Oscar Romero's Final Homily

[Spoken at the National Cathedral in San Salvador on March 23rd, 1980. The day before his assassination.]

Beloved brothers and sisters... no government can be effective unless it is rooted in the people, much less so when it seeks to impose itself at the cost of pain and blood. I would like to appeal in a special way to the men of the armed forces, and concretely to the troops of the National Guard, of the police and of the military posts; Brothers, you belong to our people; you kill your own brother peasants; and in the face of an order to kill, which comes from a human person, the law of God should prevail which says DO NOT KILL! No soldier is obliged to obey a command which goes against the law of God. No one is required to comply with an immoral law. It is time now that you recover your conscience, and that you obey your conscience first rather than a sinful command. The Church, defender of the rights of God, of the law of God, of human dignity and of the human person, cannot remain silent in the face of so much abomination. We want the government to consider seriously that reforms mean nothing when they come bathed in so much blood. In the name of God, then, and in the name of this suffering people, whose laments reach up to the heavens every day with greater intensity, I beg you, STOP THE REPRESSION! The Church preaches your liberation just as we have studied it here today in the Holy Bible -- a liberation which holds, above all, the respect for the dignity of the human person, the salvation of the common good of the people, and that transcendence which looks first of all to God, and from God alone derives its hope and its strength.