I was at a friend's wedding this past Sunday. (Congratulations Issac and Barb!) During the wedding the pastor gave a short homily on covenants. He started talking about what covenant relationships meant during Abraham's time. I'll just paraphrase the points that really interested me: Covenants occurred between two men and were more binding than a treaty, contract or agreement. A covenant was a new relationship where both men would become like one person. The covenant members would refrain from any selfish actions that might harm this new relationship. The act of trading firstborn sons was common as a very real representation of this new bond.
Now the part that really got me was this analogy: Therefore, when God asks Abraham to put Issac on the altar as a sacrifice, God, in order to keep the covenant, is promising to also put up a son as sacrifice. And in fact Jesus takes Issac's place on the altar. It makes sense that Abraham would have understood this implicit promise.
For me it also gives greater meaning to Jesus saying, 'Your father Abraham rejoiced at the thought of seeing my day; he saw it and was glad.' He saw the coming of God's son as fulfillment of the covenant promise: My son will die so that your son might live.
I read a theory awhile back that Issac for what ever reason was incapable of understanding why Abraham brought him up the mountain or what was happening on the altar. Literally, he was led like a lamb to the slaughter. This understanding of covenants along with the life of Jesus rounds out the story. Jesus takes the place of Issac because is he is capable of choosing to lay down his life, a choice which is never offered to Issac.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Of War and Health Care
No one should die because they can't afford health care, no one should go broke because they get sick. True.
Health care is a moral issue. True.
The government handling of health care is the only solution. False.
Walking around the Jefferson Memorial last spring, I was struck by the words of The Declaration of Independence:
How often I've glossed over the Declaration. Yet at that April morning I had an insight. Jefferson states that the Creator has endowed men (a specific class of men; foreshadowing the limited scope of freedom the Congress at that time was willing to bestow) with rights due to the equality of their being. Here he implies that without proper government these unalienable rights cannot be upheld, which is false if they are indeed absolute. The next assertion, which says governments exist because the people allow themselves to be ruled, is a tautology. He continues saying that when governments fail the people have the right to revolt. Furthermore, says Jefferson, the means of revolution is only possible through the bloodshed of tyrants and patriots. Yet historically violent revolts have only established different systems injustice. This statement of positive violence must be rejected if we desire true peace and justice for all.
Jefferson appears to worship humanity in the Declaration, he claims governments are founded by the people and that the people can change them. Yet while the first part of the statement is true, the second part is not so simple. We easily build our prisons, but we cannot escape them unaided. Over time more and more authority is given to the government by the people. In the history of the US, power has become more and more centralized into one person, into one office -the executive branch or the war branch. The President is not called Commander in Chief without reason.
I find it contradictory that Jefferson who so openly loved humanity, as a citizen and President, engaged and promoted warfare himself. War is the destruction of the best of humanity. The battlefield dead can no longer pursue their unalienable rights. And the surviving soldiers return home knowing they have ended the lives of many; that they have on some level killed their mirror images. Can these veterans sleep knowing they have made sons and daughters into orphans? Can they ever again return to the pursuit of happiness? Who is the victor, who is more noble, the dead or the dying? Only the State can claim victory during times of war.
John Adams, the second US President, summed up the low order of war pragmatically when writing to his wife, Abigail: "I must study Politicks and War that my sons may have liberty to study Mathematicks and Philosophy. My sons ought to study Mathematicks and Philosophy, Geography, natural History, Naval Architecture, navigation, Commerce and Agriculture, in order to give their Children a right to study Painting, Poetry, Musick, Architecture, Statuary, Tapestry and Porcelaine." (Unsurprisingly, his son John Quincy Adams, became neither a scientist nor an artist, but followed in his father's footsteps and became a politician and President.)
What if no one studied war or politics, but pursued everything else? What if everyone could joyfully sing the spiritual?
So what does all of this have to do with health care? Simply that governments justify their existence with the gun and jailhouse. Hear me out: Governments exist to enforce their own laws. They use violence or the threat of violence to maintain the rule of law.
For example, the teachings of many faiths say, 'It is wrong to kill, do not do it.' In contrast, the government says anyone who kills must be thrown in jail or put to death. Unless that person is a soldier, then the law is reversed and the more a soldier kills the more he is praised. For the government nothing can be above its laws, even if they are illogical. Yet for the community of faith the law was made to serve the people, the people were not made to serve the law.
Governments are legal institutions, but they are not moral agencies. Do not put your faith in them. Don't abdicate your moral responsibilities to the State because it seems like the only solution. It is the easier solution but it is not the ethical one.
Again, governments believe that the proper use of evil can overcome evil; that war can create peace; that killing can save lives; that in order to save a village it has to be destroyed. But understand that the use of violence only breeds more violence; indeed evil can only be overcome with good; that only the blood of martyrs dulls the executioner's axe.
The community of faith is in danger of losing its soul when it is no longer willing to bear the burdens of social justice and relinquishes its conscience to the whims of the government. Those who believe in a greater authority are called to care for their neighbor in sickness or in health. Health care must be carried out on a relational level, face to face. The sick are healed by our compassionate presence, not by legislation.
If you think I am being naive then I point to the mission of the Catholic Worker, which has been caring for the least of these without State assistance since the Great Depression (the Catholic Worker houses generally do not operate as a 501c3, and therefore are not tax exempt, but as such they are free from coercion by government). If you think I am being too critical of the President and the connection to war then I ask: Does it makes any sense to fall farther into national debt when not one politician is willing to consider re-allocating funds from a bloated military budget? Does it make sense that the poor might be fined for being unable to afford health care? Rather I pray you believe that by even the smallest act of compassion the world is changed more dramatically than the grandest of laws.
Do not be convinced that the government can do what we, God's children, are made for... the government cannot give much thought to the poor, it cannot truly care for the sick, the broken, the veteran, the weak... it is too busy enforcing its laws and waging its wars.
Believe that you and I are made to care for each other, to love each other. Believe that the truest response to someone in need is not in the petition to your congressperson but to stretch out your own hand. The moral issue depends on whether or not we open our own wallets and accept the responsibility of caring for our neighbor as ourselves. I tell you the poor and the sick will not be greatly helped if we let the government assume this duty.
Governments cannot truly change, despite high minded rhetoric. The new boss is the same as the old boss... Only we, the people, are agents of change. Even President Obama and the founding fathers concede that much.
If I eat it is because you fed me,
If I sleep it is because you sheltered me,
If I am warm it is because you covered me,
If I laugh it is because you comforted me,
And if I stand it is because you supported me.
Health care is a moral issue. True.
The government handling of health care is the only solution. False.
Walking around the Jefferson Memorial last spring, I was struck by the words of The Declaration of Independence:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.
How often I've glossed over the Declaration. Yet at that April morning I had an insight. Jefferson states that the Creator has endowed men (a specific class of men; foreshadowing the limited scope of freedom the Congress at that time was willing to bestow) with rights due to the equality of their being. Here he implies that without proper government these unalienable rights cannot be upheld, which is false if they are indeed absolute. The next assertion, which says governments exist because the people allow themselves to be ruled, is a tautology. He continues saying that when governments fail the people have the right to revolt. Furthermore, says Jefferson, the means of revolution is only possible through the bloodshed of tyrants and patriots. Yet historically violent revolts have only established different systems injustice. This statement of positive violence must be rejected if we desire true peace and justice for all.
Jefferson appears to worship humanity in the Declaration, he claims governments are founded by the people and that the people can change them. Yet while the first part of the statement is true, the second part is not so simple. We easily build our prisons, but we cannot escape them unaided. Over time more and more authority is given to the government by the people. In the history of the US, power has become more and more centralized into one person, into one office -the executive branch or the war branch. The President is not called Commander in Chief without reason.
I find it contradictory that Jefferson who so openly loved humanity, as a citizen and President, engaged and promoted warfare himself. War is the destruction of the best of humanity. The battlefield dead can no longer pursue their unalienable rights. And the surviving soldiers return home knowing they have ended the lives of many; that they have on some level killed their mirror images. Can these veterans sleep knowing they have made sons and daughters into orphans? Can they ever again return to the pursuit of happiness? Who is the victor, who is more noble, the dead or the dying? Only the State can claim victory during times of war.
John Adams, the second US President, summed up the low order of war pragmatically when writing to his wife, Abigail: "I must study Politicks and War that my sons may have liberty to study Mathematicks and Philosophy. My sons ought to study Mathematicks and Philosophy, Geography, natural History, Naval Architecture, navigation, Commerce and Agriculture, in order to give their Children a right to study Painting, Poetry, Musick, Architecture, Statuary, Tapestry and Porcelaine." (Unsurprisingly, his son John Quincy Adams, became neither a scientist nor an artist, but followed in his father's footsteps and became a politician and President.)
What if no one studied war or politics, but pursued everything else? What if everyone could joyfully sing the spiritual?
I’m going to lay down my heavy load
Down by the riverside
Down by the riverside
Down by the riverside
Going to lay down my heavy load
Down by the riverside
Ain’t going to study war no more
So what does all of this have to do with health care? Simply that governments justify their existence with the gun and jailhouse. Hear me out: Governments exist to enforce their own laws. They use violence or the threat of violence to maintain the rule of law.
For example, the teachings of many faiths say, 'It is wrong to kill, do not do it.' In contrast, the government says anyone who kills must be thrown in jail or put to death. Unless that person is a soldier, then the law is reversed and the more a soldier kills the more he is praised. For the government nothing can be above its laws, even if they are illogical. Yet for the community of faith the law was made to serve the people, the people were not made to serve the law.
Governments are legal institutions, but they are not moral agencies. Do not put your faith in them. Don't abdicate your moral responsibilities to the State because it seems like the only solution. It is the easier solution but it is not the ethical one.
Again, governments believe that the proper use of evil can overcome evil; that war can create peace; that killing can save lives; that in order to save a village it has to be destroyed. But understand that the use of violence only breeds more violence; indeed evil can only be overcome with good; that only the blood of martyrs dulls the executioner's axe.
The community of faith is in danger of losing its soul when it is no longer willing to bear the burdens of social justice and relinquishes its conscience to the whims of the government. Those who believe in a greater authority are called to care for their neighbor in sickness or in health. Health care must be carried out on a relational level, face to face. The sick are healed by our compassionate presence, not by legislation.
If you think I am being naive then I point to the mission of the Catholic Worker, which has been caring for the least of these without State assistance since the Great Depression (the Catholic Worker houses generally do not operate as a 501c3, and therefore are not tax exempt, but as such they are free from coercion by government). If you think I am being too critical of the President and the connection to war then I ask: Does it makes any sense to fall farther into national debt when not one politician is willing to consider re-allocating funds from a bloated military budget? Does it make sense that the poor might be fined for being unable to afford health care? Rather I pray you believe that by even the smallest act of compassion the world is changed more dramatically than the grandest of laws.
Do not be convinced that the government can do what we, God's children, are made for... the government cannot give much thought to the poor, it cannot truly care for the sick, the broken, the veteran, the weak... it is too busy enforcing its laws and waging its wars.
Believe that you and I are made to care for each other, to love each other. Believe that the truest response to someone in need is not in the petition to your congressperson but to stretch out your own hand. The moral issue depends on whether or not we open our own wallets and accept the responsibility of caring for our neighbor as ourselves. I tell you the poor and the sick will not be greatly helped if we let the government assume this duty.
Governments cannot truly change, despite high minded rhetoric. The new boss is the same as the old boss... Only we, the people, are agents of change. Even President Obama and the founding fathers concede that much.
If I eat it is because you fed me,
If I sleep it is because you sheltered me,
If I am warm it is because you covered me,
If I laugh it is because you comforted me,
And if I stand it is because you supported me.
Monday, September 7, 2009
The Labor Day Disconnect
[May 1st is celebrated as Labor Day internationally in memory of the Chicago workers who were killed by police during a rally in 1886. Except in the US where Labor Day is celebrated on the first Monday in September. US Labor day was made into a national holiday in 1894 when President Grover Cleveland and Congress quickly put it into law 6 days after the Pullman strike in which 13 strikers were killed by US Army troops. He avoided putting Labor Day on May 1st because of the association with the Haymarket massacre.]
I have been spoiled by Google and Wikipedia. I'm accustomed to quickly checking one or the other for my questions. Today, I actually had to click several links when searching for Haymarket Massacre Chicago to find a complete and balanced history of the events.
A Wikipedia article titled Haymarket Affair slants in favor of the law enforcement officials. It also neglects to mention that Labor Day is celebrated, at least partly, in memory of the workers who died in Chicago on May 4th, 1886. While a second article on the reason for Labor Day doesn't mention Haymarket until near the end of the page, it does present a more objective summary of events.
May 1st, 1886 was a day of general strikes across the US by labor unions. They were striking in support of the 8 hour workday which many people take for granted today.
At that time in Chicago there was much violence from both sides whenever a strike or rally was held. The protesters came with rocks and clubs and police responded with bullets.
Haymarket was the scene of a protest organized by labor leaders on May 4th, 1886. The rally was organized in response and outrage to the killing of two factory workers by police at a strike the day before. Police arrived near the end of the demonstration to break it up.
The major controversy was over the bombing that occurred during the 1886 protest, which killed at least one police officer. The ensuing chaos caused the police to open fire killing several of their own as well as many protesters. The bomber was never found and both sides accused the other of conspiracy. The trial that followed was unable to connect the men indicted with actually planning the bombing or throwing the bomb. Yet the court was able to convict the defendants.
The men accused had preached often of using dynamite to start a working class revolution. It is not hard to understand the fear and anger that accompanied their trial. Nevertheless it is and was believed to have been a show trial, with both sides claiming a special interest in the rights and liberties of the worker.
Of the eight men convicted of murder; one was sentenced to 15 years of hard labor, two were granted a stay of execution by the governor of Illinois, one committed suicide in jail and the other 4 were executed on November 11th, 1887. All of this occurred despite the lack of a direct link between them and the bomb.
Further complicating matters is that in November 1892 a new governor of Illinois was elected and on June of the following year granted not only clemency but an complete pardon to the 3 living defendants due to the trial, which he claimed was so full of errors it was his duty to release them.
Over the many years since Haymarket, both memorials dedicated to the slain police officers as well as those dedicated to the protesters who were killed and those who were tried have been repeatedly defaced.
Apparently on the internet as in the real world, the line between history and emotion is hard to resolve.
I have been spoiled by Google and Wikipedia. I'm accustomed to quickly checking one or the other for my questions. Today, I actually had to click several links when searching for Haymarket Massacre Chicago to find a complete and balanced history of the events.
A Wikipedia article titled Haymarket Affair slants in favor of the law enforcement officials. It also neglects to mention that Labor Day is celebrated, at least partly, in memory of the workers who died in Chicago on May 4th, 1886. While a second article on the reason for Labor Day doesn't mention Haymarket until near the end of the page, it does present a more objective summary of events.
May 1st, 1886 was a day of general strikes across the US by labor unions. They were striking in support of the 8 hour workday which many people take for granted today.
At that time in Chicago there was much violence from both sides whenever a strike or rally was held. The protesters came with rocks and clubs and police responded with bullets.
Haymarket was the scene of a protest organized by labor leaders on May 4th, 1886. The rally was organized in response and outrage to the killing of two factory workers by police at a strike the day before. Police arrived near the end of the demonstration to break it up.
The major controversy was over the bombing that occurred during the 1886 protest, which killed at least one police officer. The ensuing chaos caused the police to open fire killing several of their own as well as many protesters. The bomber was never found and both sides accused the other of conspiracy. The trial that followed was unable to connect the men indicted with actually planning the bombing or throwing the bomb. Yet the court was able to convict the defendants.
The men accused had preached often of using dynamite to start a working class revolution. It is not hard to understand the fear and anger that accompanied their trial. Nevertheless it is and was believed to have been a show trial, with both sides claiming a special interest in the rights and liberties of the worker.
Of the eight men convicted of murder; one was sentenced to 15 years of hard labor, two were granted a stay of execution by the governor of Illinois, one committed suicide in jail and the other 4 were executed on November 11th, 1887. All of this occurred despite the lack of a direct link between them and the bomb.
Further complicating matters is that in November 1892 a new governor of Illinois was elected and on June of the following year granted not only clemency but an complete pardon to the 3 living defendants due to the trial, which he claimed was so full of errors it was his duty to release them.
Over the many years since Haymarket, both memorials dedicated to the slain police officers as well as those dedicated to the protesters who were killed and those who were tried have been repeatedly defaced.
Apparently on the internet as in the real world, the line between history and emotion is hard to resolve.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Poetry: The Battery and the Assault
I.
I am the decapitated body of Sta. Isabela left in the park by Samuel Sand.
Yet the odd voice of my fingertips will speak for me:
My shins and kneecaps he dumped in the trash,
My feet he carried across the bridge, ritually mourning my most recent death,
My head he hid, as if it alone had power,
While my breasts, still covered in earth, wait for the rain. . .
II.
Shortly after the waters disappeared, I, the firstborn child of humanity, lifted up the pyramids, flipped them around and placed the Dog god of Egypt on top. Its single eye triumphantly watching: watching Seth and his kin thrive, watching the library burn in the night, watching the bronze man collapse into the sea, watching the tower fall in Siloam, watching the twins covered in blood and ash, watching the world turn to dust.
If Peter is rock, then I am sand. . .
III.
Poor Samuel, the judge of Canaan, his name stolen by your father/my uncle. . .
IV.
I am become Death, so you might never forget!
V.
Look and rejoice at the ruins, the work of your hands! Not one stone stands atop another, see the shadows of the dead seared onto the threshold. Where blood and water once flowed there is nothing: no witness to testify, no evidence to present, no one to mourn the crime or regret the desolation caused by you, S. Sand. The land is a grave and I, your latest victim, can say it is over; you are absolved. You, uncle, are finally free and clear of every danger. Because of you history has ended. You are the last man standing and nothing else you do now matters. . .
VI.
Listen to my steady, even voice. I am not like you.
I am unable to hold a conversation.
I only have one song to sing:
I am the 12 year old girl buried with 1,000 cranes,
I am the beating of wings which is all that remains,
I am the horsehead that screams on the chaotic plains,
I am the police who shoots your rockthrowing son,
I am the bullet that kills,
the means and the end. . .
VII.
Dismembered I,
nevertheless,
embrace you.
I am the decapitated body of Sta. Isabela left in the park by Samuel Sand.
Yet the odd voice of my fingertips will speak for me:
My shins and kneecaps he dumped in the trash,
My feet he carried across the bridge, ritually mourning my most recent death,
My head he hid, as if it alone had power,
While my breasts, still covered in earth, wait for the rain. . .
II.
Shortly after the waters disappeared, I, the firstborn child of humanity, lifted up the pyramids, flipped them around and placed the Dog god of Egypt on top. Its single eye triumphantly watching: watching Seth and his kin thrive, watching the library burn in the night, watching the bronze man collapse into the sea, watching the tower fall in Siloam, watching the twins covered in blood and ash, watching the world turn to dust.
If Peter is rock, then I am sand. . .
III.
Poor Samuel, the judge of Canaan, his name stolen by your father/my uncle. . .
IV.
I am become Death, so you might never forget!
V.
Look and rejoice at the ruins, the work of your hands! Not one stone stands atop another, see the shadows of the dead seared onto the threshold. Where blood and water once flowed there is nothing: no witness to testify, no evidence to present, no one to mourn the crime or regret the desolation caused by you, S. Sand. The land is a grave and I, your latest victim, can say it is over; you are absolved. You, uncle, are finally free and clear of every danger. Because of you history has ended. You are the last man standing and nothing else you do now matters. . .
VI.
Listen to my steady, even voice. I am not like you.
I am unable to hold a conversation.
I only have one song to sing:
I am the 12 year old girl buried with 1,000 cranes,
I am the beating of wings which is all that remains,
I am the horsehead that screams on the chaotic plains,
I am the police who shoots your rockthrowing son,
I am the bullet that kills,
the means and the end. . .
VII.
Dismembered I,
nevertheless,
embrace you.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Statement of Belief and a New Mission Statement
Before I started on my journey five months ago, on advice from a friend, I wrote up a personal mission statement to help guide me:
I walk to heal my wounds, in search of others who also want to be healed. I walk to see God in my brothers and sisters. I am called to walk. Love has called me and so I walk to find it.
Even though I wrote that statement months ago, I never expected to find the healing, peace and love it expresses. Yet here I am amazed that I have actually seen the face of God and I am surprised I found the Love that moves me forward. My last posting was an attempt to describe how I see the world now. This post is about how the transformation happened.
I was wounded, heartbroken when I started out on the road in November. I was running from an abortive relationship.
Yet for some reason I couldn't let her go, we kept talking and texting even as I walked to Philadelphia. By January, I wanted to be free of the old hurt; everytime we spoke I began to hope that maybe it wasn't over.
One night, I ranted at her for a bit and then told her to do what ever she wanted to do, just don't involve me in it.
For the next several weeks, I cloistered myself away. I was convinced I was healing and better off. I hardly thought of her.
Then one morning, on January 22nd I woke up with a weight on my chest. It felt like someone had their heel on my sternum. I meditated and prayed. Nothing would get rid of the pressure until I finally thought: I should give her a call. The foot was lifted at that same moment.
I got out of bed then, showered, ate and procrastinated. Eventually I sat down to the phone. But I was angry and afraid; why should I call her? I feel good now and calling will only make me suffer.
I can't explain it in any other way than this: a small quiet voice spoke, 'You should call her because I love her as much as I love you.'
My anger was gone. When I called, I got her voicemail and left a message. She immediately called back. We spoke briefly as she was just about to get on a plane. She had been on vacation and I had reached her between connecting flights. It was amiable and short. I didn't tell her then what made me call.
I was confused; I couldn't understand the point of talking to her. It hurt like hell. It was as if the last few weeks never happened. I lay there with this longing, this loneliness, this gnawing heartache. By my bed was the Tao te Ching. I opened it up to a random chapter and read:
Hope and fear are both phantoms
that arise from thinking of the self.
When we don't see the self as self,
what do we have to fear?
My heart burned then as if I was being consumed. I died on the night of January 27th and discovered that I still lived. (Would it help if I say the ego died then? Or that I was born again? Or enlightened, awakened?)
Understand I am not boasting here of being beyond human, nor of my own perfection. What I am saying is I went looking for a pearl of great worth and by the Grace of God found it. I knocked on doors and they were opened. I have discovered the narrow gate and the hidden way to life.
The self must die, so that we might live. How many times have I heard those words and didn't understand? The St. Francis Peace Prayer ends with, and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. Amen.
And Luke 9:23-24 (NIV) Then [Jesus] said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." There is, again and again, this statement of death leading to life.
(In my excitement, I've skipped part of the story. I was not allowed to stop loving her, even to the breaking point. What I found wasn't despair or depression, but a new life. Think about it, Christ suffered and died because he loved us, but triumphed over death. We are to partake in the life the of Christ as believers. Our love of others, especially those who hurt us is central to our faith. I used to tell myself my love for her was unconditional. But I was decieving myself. Before that night, my love was contingent on being loved in return. Truth be told she and I still talk and it still hurts, but it is the love that gives the pain meaning.)
I'm telling you it is the very nature of our self-preservation that separates us from God and our neighbors. We plan for the future, but thieves break in (AIG) and moths destroy (Bernie Madoff). We hoard our wealth because we fear there isn't enough to go around. We lie, to protect our self-image, because we don't want to be judged. We steal because it is easier on our pride than asking for help. We slander and go to war because it is easier than forgiving those who hurt us. We masturbate in secret because we are afraid of rejection. The self is the root of all sin.
Why am I telling you all this? Because "No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light." Luke 8:16 (NIV). But also because "...your liberation is bound up with mine."
As long as we believe in the illusion, it will have power over us and we will never be free. As long as we believe that security comes from money and safety comes from force of arms, we will never be secure nor safe. As long as we have guest rooms that are empty, and bank accounts that are full, there will be homelessness and hunger. There is another reality waiting to be born. Aren't we ready to believe in the words that are spoken every Sunday in our churches?
"If you are content with the old world, try to preserve it, it is very sick and cannot hold out much longer. But if you cannot bear to live in everlasting dissonance between your beliefs and your life, thinking one thing and doing another, get out of the mediaeval whited sepulchers, and face your fears. I know very well it is not easy." -Alexander Herzen
Again I do not boast, but say I have given up everything for the work of the kingdom. Because I believe in the covenant God made with Abraham, Moses, and David. I believe in the Christ and the kingdom he proclaimed. I work for the day when you and I and all the people we love will be together, singing, dancing and celebrating. I walk for a day when war and poverty no longer exist. This is not only my dream, but the dream of our ancestors and all the prophets who came before us.
Hope is as hollow as fear, because it is by your actions and the grace of God that the world is changed. Do not wish for a better world, nor despair for this one, but do as Christ said: ask, seek and knock and you will find the peace God has promised you.
My journey is one of peace, but it will no doubt cause anger. For one, I wholly believe in the separation of church and state. Radically separate in that the church must not allow itself to be connected with any government. Governments exist to serve those who do not yet believe, but not even the best government will last. I also am calling on people who are willing to live radically, outside of the normal definitions of activism and religion. I am searching for brothers and sisters, who like Christ, reject Caesar's authority, the High Temple's piety and the Zealot's bloody sword.
I have much more to say, I can't wait to visit you and talk more about the movement of the Spirit in our generation.
Peace and love,
Curtis Villanueva Jantzi
I walk to heal my wounds, in search of others who also want to be healed. I walk to see God in my brothers and sisters. I am called to walk. Love has called me and so I walk to find it.
Even though I wrote that statement months ago, I never expected to find the healing, peace and love it expresses. Yet here I am amazed that I have actually seen the face of God and I am surprised I found the Love that moves me forward. My last posting was an attempt to describe how I see the world now. This post is about how the transformation happened.
I was wounded, heartbroken when I started out on the road in November. I was running from an abortive relationship.
Yet for some reason I couldn't let her go, we kept talking and texting even as I walked to Philadelphia. By January, I wanted to be free of the old hurt; everytime we spoke I began to hope that maybe it wasn't over.
One night, I ranted at her for a bit and then told her to do what ever she wanted to do, just don't involve me in it.
For the next several weeks, I cloistered myself away. I was convinced I was healing and better off. I hardly thought of her.
Then one morning, on January 22nd I woke up with a weight on my chest. It felt like someone had their heel on my sternum. I meditated and prayed. Nothing would get rid of the pressure until I finally thought: I should give her a call. The foot was lifted at that same moment.
I got out of bed then, showered, ate and procrastinated. Eventually I sat down to the phone. But I was angry and afraid; why should I call her? I feel good now and calling will only make me suffer.
I can't explain it in any other way than this: a small quiet voice spoke, 'You should call her because I love her as much as I love you.'
My anger was gone. When I called, I got her voicemail and left a message. She immediately called back. We spoke briefly as she was just about to get on a plane. She had been on vacation and I had reached her between connecting flights. It was amiable and short. I didn't tell her then what made me call.
I was confused; I couldn't understand the point of talking to her. It hurt like hell. It was as if the last few weeks never happened. I lay there with this longing, this loneliness, this gnawing heartache. By my bed was the Tao te Ching. I opened it up to a random chapter and read:
Hope and fear are both phantoms
that arise from thinking of the self.
When we don't see the self as self,
what do we have to fear?
My heart burned then as if I was being consumed. I died on the night of January 27th and discovered that I still lived. (Would it help if I say the ego died then? Or that I was born again? Or enlightened, awakened?)
Understand I am not boasting here of being beyond human, nor of my own perfection. What I am saying is I went looking for a pearl of great worth and by the Grace of God found it. I knocked on doors and they were opened. I have discovered the narrow gate and the hidden way to life.
The self must die, so that we might live. How many times have I heard those words and didn't understand? The St. Francis Peace Prayer ends with, and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. Amen.
And Luke 9:23-24 (NIV) Then [Jesus] said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." There is, again and again, this statement of death leading to life.
(In my excitement, I've skipped part of the story. I was not allowed to stop loving her, even to the breaking point. What I found wasn't despair or depression, but a new life. Think about it, Christ suffered and died because he loved us, but triumphed over death. We are to partake in the life the of Christ as believers. Our love of others, especially those who hurt us is central to our faith. I used to tell myself my love for her was unconditional. But I was decieving myself. Before that night, my love was contingent on being loved in return. Truth be told she and I still talk and it still hurts, but it is the love that gives the pain meaning.)
I'm telling you it is the very nature of our self-preservation that separates us from God and our neighbors. We plan for the future, but thieves break in (AIG) and moths destroy (Bernie Madoff). We hoard our wealth because we fear there isn't enough to go around. We lie, to protect our self-image, because we don't want to be judged. We steal because it is easier on our pride than asking for help. We slander and go to war because it is easier than forgiving those who hurt us. We masturbate in secret because we are afraid of rejection. The self is the root of all sin.
Why am I telling you all this? Because "No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light." Luke 8:16 (NIV). But also because "...your liberation is bound up with mine."
As long as we believe in the illusion, it will have power over us and we will never be free. As long as we believe that security comes from money and safety comes from force of arms, we will never be secure nor safe. As long as we have guest rooms that are empty, and bank accounts that are full, there will be homelessness and hunger. There is another reality waiting to be born. Aren't we ready to believe in the words that are spoken every Sunday in our churches?
"If you are content with the old world, try to preserve it, it is very sick and cannot hold out much longer. But if you cannot bear to live in everlasting dissonance between your beliefs and your life, thinking one thing and doing another, get out of the mediaeval whited sepulchers, and face your fears. I know very well it is not easy." -Alexander Herzen
Again I do not boast, but say I have given up everything for the work of the kingdom. Because I believe in the covenant God made with Abraham, Moses, and David. I believe in the Christ and the kingdom he proclaimed. I work for the day when you and I and all the people we love will be together, singing, dancing and celebrating. I walk for a day when war and poverty no longer exist. This is not only my dream, but the dream of our ancestors and all the prophets who came before us.
Hope is as hollow as fear, because it is by your actions and the grace of God that the world is changed. Do not wish for a better world, nor despair for this one, but do as Christ said: ask, seek and knock and you will find the peace God has promised you.
My journey is one of peace, but it will no doubt cause anger. For one, I wholly believe in the separation of church and state. Radically separate in that the church must not allow itself to be connected with any government. Governments exist to serve those who do not yet believe, but not even the best government will last. I also am calling on people who are willing to live radically, outside of the normal definitions of activism and religion. I am searching for brothers and sisters, who like Christ, reject Caesar's authority, the High Temple's piety and the Zealot's bloody sword.
I have much more to say, I can't wait to visit you and talk more about the movement of the Spirit in our generation.
Peace and love,
Curtis Villanueva Jantzi
Thursday, January 29, 2009
8 Random Things
1. I am a leaf on the wind. The wind is God's love.
2. When I no longer judge myself I am free to love.
3. Christ lives within all of you. How do I know? Because I look within myself.
4. When I recognize fear as an illusion it no longer controls me.
5. When I have given up planning I can submit to the Divine plan.
6. When I act without expectation I am never disappointed.
7. When I am present in the here and now I do not regret the past nor am I anxious for the future.
8. When I recognize there is nothing that is not God I do not need to call things good or evil, beautiful or ugly.
2. When I no longer judge myself I am free to love.
3. Christ lives within all of you. How do I know? Because I look within myself.
4. When I recognize fear as an illusion it no longer controls me.
5. When I have given up planning I can submit to the Divine plan.
6. When I act without expectation I am never disappointed.
7. When I am present in the here and now I do not regret the past nor am I anxious for the future.
8. When I recognize there is nothing that is not God I do not need to call things good or evil, beautiful or ugly.
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