Reflecting Questions

Recently, I was challenged by a friend who asked, 'Curtis, what's next for you?' We talked at length about my journey and responsibility to the church. The question is important because as I journey it can be isolating. There's always a temptation of trying to go it alone, or getting stuck in my head, without the support and critique of a community. Perhaps he sees me as wandering lost in the desert going in circles. And it is a very real danger.

A year ago I was offered and accepted a position as an interim youth leader. (It was made clear that my position was a temporary one while the congregation discerned what they wanted in a youth program.) Over the course of the year I was constantly challenged to engage the youth, work with the parents and adult church members. Essentially, I began to learn what it meant to lead. More often than not it meant listening and responding to the needs of congregation. Leadership is about being willing to serve. I am ever so thankful for my time with the youth and all they taught me.

The contract I agreed to was for one year that could have been renewed for another year. The reasons to renew included my care for the members of the church, the connections I made with the youth, the security of having a paying job. The reasons not to renew included the need of the congregation for a full time youth pastor (which is not my calling) and the need of mine to embody a different social reality (most definitely my calling). I opted not to renew.

So what then is my responsibility to the church to which I no longer have a formal title? How do I engage the church from the margins, jobless and homeless? Why do I live this way? It's definitely not the money.

Occasionally, I have been criticized as having the luxury of opting out, since I don't have a family to support or other obligations. I reject that form of criticism because of the stories of saints and prophets and their families. I want to be like them:

Jesus, the Christ differentiated between his biological family, to whom he was born, and his true family, those who do the will of God. Many of his family did end up following him and were among the few of his followers present at his crucifixion.

Prince Siddartha, who became the Buddha, left his wife, Yasodhara, and child and his kingdom to seek enlightenment. When Siddartha left, Yashodhara vowed to live like her husband renouncing wealth and offers of re-marriage.

Saint Francis of Assisi left his family and their pursuit of wealth, in order to serve the poor. Eventually, his mother and sister also renounced their wealth and joined his simple order of monks. In fact it was Francis' mother who early on urged him to explore and deepen his spirituality. She even supported him when she was able.

From one point of view it was cruel to push away their families. From another point of view it is crueler to remain ignorant or callous of the suffering of others. The invitation to let go of fear and oppression is extended to everyone, including the biological family.

Those are my examples, the reason why I live as simply as possible. There is very little comfort in leaving, in asking for work, asking for food, asking for a place to sleep. The comfort comes from the relationships that develop: through the unexpected celebrations, musical outbursts, dance parties, bible studies, meals, etc. It is both tiring and exhilarating!

So if it seems I am wandering it because the path is crooked. If it seems I have no 5 year plan it is because the plan is hidden to me. If it seems I am footloose and free it is because I am free only as long as I serve others. My hands are empty, I am called to work. And the work is a joy and all the reward I need. I prefer being paid with blessings rather than with coins.

In the short term, I will be working at the Corpus Christi Catholic Worker House in Lancaster for awhile. I am also visiting local churches and asking 'what's next?' and 'how can I be of use?' There is also a small group of friends in Lancaster that discusses spirituality and the implications of those beliefs in our lives. We make waffles. It's a Waffle Church!

So that's all for this update.

May peace be with you and may we see each other soon!